Accepting your Bipolar diagnosis. Again and again and again.

This is a great and realistic example of the emotions that came with my diagnosis.

Bipolar: Flying too close to the sun

Initially my diagnosis didn’t come as much of a shock to me. It was more of a relief. I did show up at the emergency room in the middle of the night exclaiming “Something is wrong with me!” after all. I was just too happy to finally find out what that “something” was.

As I got better and changed back into something that resembled a “fully functioning” human being, there have been times that I wondered if I was really ill. It usually only takes about two weeks for my mood to shift, as if to say “Ha! And there you thought you were well and health. Mwhuhahaha!” So I haven’t wondered whether or not I was really Bipolar very often. But that doesn’t mean I like it one bit, or that I don’t become frustrated and even enraged by it.

As of today I am, very reluctantly, back on…

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Tattoos and Closure

Love, love, LOVE this post! I really identified with some of the reasons people get tattooed, which may be why I’m itching for another one already.

bi[polar] curious

In many parts of America I think tattoos are written off as the hallmark of degenerates. I think what our culture is slowly realizing (on the tails of American youth) that tattoos are no longer symbols limited to criminals, gang members, and salty dogs, but are swiftly being acknowledged as a disciplined art form that has been spreading (especially through the Pacific Northwest) like wildfire.

Today many different people have and are getting tattoos, and the reasons people get them are practically as widespread as the artwork itself. Some people consider their tattoos to be living works of art with no connection to any specific motive beyond a sense of their own enjoyment of a color, a shape, or an artist. Others collect tattoos to represent things that are important in their lives, like their children. It isn’t uncommon for people to get tattoos as a milestone representing a celebration like…

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Bipolar Disorder: Loving Someone Who Is Manic-Depressive

Nobody is Alone

‘Bipolar Disorder is one of the most severe mental disorders a person could have. The lives of those suffering from it are hugely impacted by it. While other disorders, such as depression and anxiety, may work in cycles or waves, Bipolar Disorder requires constant, vigilant management. The disorder is typically managed by daily medication and talk therapy.

The trademark of Bipolar Disorder is a major mood imbalance. The person may go from depressed to a manic state, or may experience other shifts in mood that affect the person’s ability to function. People who have Bipolar Disorder often have a hard time sleeping. It’s not unusual for someone unmedicated with this disorder to be up for two or three days straight because their mind and body simply won’t let them sleep.How do these symptoms affect the loved ones of these people? It has an effect. Parents, siblings, friends, and co-workers see…

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Why Suicide?

Just the topic I am interested in today.

Putting The Clothes On, Taking The Gloves Off.

Why Suicide? .

via Why Suicide?.

This is reblogged from BipolarBloger. I found this to be very spot on and if you’ve read some of my BP blogs and are trying to understand the complexities of bipolar disorder, this explains suicide perfectly. Sometimes, however…nearing death makes you appreciate life and LIVE IT even more. I’ve found this to be very true for myself.

When every day could be your last…that’s you truly live.

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30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge Day 7

Do you think there are any triggers or patterns to how your illness(es) effects you?

YES.  I’m not sure about the patterns yet, but I have a whole list of triggers:

  • Overstimulation
  • Being around drunk people
  • Prejudiced statements
  • Violence
  • Aggression
  • Feeling like I’m not articulating myself
  • Having to wait
  • Weight gain
  • Unexpected/quick movements
  • Financial Insecurity
  • Hurt feelings
  • River having too much energy/chewing too much/stepping on the computer when I’m trying to type things
  • Anything that requires patience
  • Feeling unheard
  • Isolation
  • Gloomy weather
  • Not feeling productive
  • Being told what to do or how to feel
  • Overtly religious conversations
  • More than one person talking to me at the same time
  • Feeling overwhelmed
  • Boredom/cabin fever
  • Drinking alcohol
  • Feeling a lack of freedom
  • Unexpected schedule changes
  • Change
  • Lack of schedule/stability
  • Lack of structure
  • Migraines
  • Sleep paralysis
  • Nightmares
  • Loneliness
  • Hunger
  • Fear of rejection
  • Feeling out of control
  • Having a lack of control
  • Having a lack of power
  • One sided conversations
  • Thunderstorms
  • Getting too tired
  • Not getting enough sleep
  • Not being able to fall asleep
  • Comments others make about my weight/illness/etc.
  • September 11th
  • Feeling judged or criticized
  • Sexual harassment
  • Crowded places
  • Losing something and not being able to find it
  • Meetings that don’t start/end on time
  • World events
  • Rejection
  • Major family illness
  • Death in my family
  • Computer problems
  • Medication side effects
  • Family member not returning phone calls
  • Sexual assault/rape in the media


bi[polar] curious


The thing about having bipolar disorder is that, for me, it rarely shows up in a straightforward manner that is easy to comprehend and keep under control. I’ve been contemplating that it is something more akin to tripolar… with mania and depression being joined by a third branch: rage.

This has always been a problem for me. Always that kid throwing raging fits, breaking everything around me one minute and regretting it the next. When I got older the rage showed itself through self harm and then exploded in a volatile relationship where we screamed at each other most of the time. Impulsive suicide attempts. Wanting to hurt others. Wanting to hurt myself to hurt others.

Over the years I’ve found some ways to curb some of this intensity. After throwing and breaking a phone one time I now only throw phones at… pillows. After entering into a relationship…

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