Lately I have been putting more effort into being present in the moment. It seems easy enough but I have a longstanding habit of obsessive thinking and a mind that likes to wander, and sometimes its a struggle.
The practice of avoiding the current moment actually did serve a useful purpose for me when I was growing up. First, it allowed me to tolerate unpleasant situations over which I had no control, like when my mom was having a particularly bad day with her delusions. I would sit barracaded in my room, daydreaming and drawing pictures of what I wanted to look like when I grew up and where I would live, or pretending to be Cher. As time went by, I learned how to “read the room” and spent a great deal of energy trying to avoid danger and imagining what could happen depending on my mom’s mood. This pattern evolved into feeling guilty about what I may have done to…
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